Never Be Knocked Out By Fear
The story starts with a picture that was taken in a classroom with three of my friends in my high school during our Christmas program. It was taken to memorialize the first time that we, as performers, attended the school’s program by performing a Christian song for all the people who came to school. I dressed pretty well that day, a black suit with a pair of black, shiny leather shoes. I put a lot of gel on my hair to make me look formal. There was always a slight smile on my face that day, which showed others how confident I was and my appearance was different from the other students.
Then, everything seemed ready, so all I needed to do was just wait for my turn. However, I knew that my mind was far away from that because it was occupied by some negative sentiments—nervousness, anxiety, and even self-doubt about whether I could perform well. Time passed slowly in tension and anxiety, I felt that all my body parts were shaking and my hands and feet were so cold due to my nervousness. I tried to recall the lyrics of the song but they just disappeared in my mind. One of my friends noticed that I was flustered, and he encouraged me by saying that it was just like the first time taking a roller coaster ride. When you face the fear of it and open your eyes as it is running, then it is actually not that scary at all. However, if you keep telling yourself that you won’t able to get on it, then you will definitely be scared of it forever. His comforting words made sense to me and I started to sweep all of my negative thoughts out of my mind So when It was our turn, I took a deep breath and moved my steps toward the stage. My feet felt so heavy, like I was dragging two huge shackles, and each of my steps were going to take all of my strength.
Finally, I stood on the stage, but the room was eerily quiet and only sometimes did the whispers of the audience interrupt the silence. The scent of the flowers in the corner of the room smelled great when I took a deep breath to make myself more relaxed. I didn’t dare to look in the audiences’ eyes, as I felt like their eyes would shoot sharp knives into me as soon as I looked back at them. My fragile, young mind would be torn into pieces. My sweat soaked the outer case of the microphone which made it very slippery as if it would drop out of my hand at any moment. Thanks to all of the hard work in rehearsals I’d done, all the lyrics and rhythm were engraved in my mind, It appeared spontaneously when the background music started. Gradually, I found that the feeling of performing on the stage was completely different from what I thought it would. The time I was behind the screen was like the time when I was waiting in the line for the roller coaster as I was afraid of both the roller coaster and the coming performance. When the fear won, I gave up, but when the bravery won, I was sitting on the roller coaster.
When the coaster starts, I should open my eyes and enjoy the excitement and the fun that the roller coaster brought, just like I started to enjoy the song I performed by myself and began to communicate with the audience through my eyes. What surprised me was that the audiences’ eyes were very soft and gentle, full of encouragement and praise. I was glad that they really enjoyed it and my performance ended with a big round of applause which sounded like the thunder. Although that performance was for a long time ago, what I experienced that day still sticks in my mind and makes me feel excited. Difficulties and challenges never stop coming my way but all I need to do is face them and head on and overcome whatever is hindering me on my way to success. I will never be beaten up by my problems because there is always a way to solve them whenever I tell myself that I can overcome it and “open my eyes”.
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