Once I Cared Too Much, Now I Care Just Enough

At some point or the other, things happen that change the perspective of life. Likewise, Ive been completely transformed now from how I used to be. Over the years I have realised that there is a difference between being nice and being too nice. A person who cares too much is considered to be afraid to set boundaries, it’s a person who is scared to refuse, and thats the person I used to be.

I have always been complimented for my polite and humble nature, that used to make me feel great about myself. I have always tried to be kind and empathetic towards others. But over the time I realised that nobody will ever going to reward me for goodness. People just take advantage of you, and then abandon you like you don’t even exist. When i reflect back on my life and my relationships with my family and friends, i just wasted my time being too nice with them. I used to be nice with everyone, not because i wanted to be in their good books, but because i wanted to stay away from all kinds of conflicts. Once I used to be the only one in my group of friends who was the most compromising one. Who used to let go of all the grudges and wished to be friends with everyone.

Who had always tried to keep her group of friends intact. I still remember how my mom prepared lunch for me every day and my friends ended up eating my lunch and I stayed silent and remained hungry all day. Whenever anyone asked me for favours, i just couldn’t refuse them. And whenever it was my turn to ask them, the same people turned their backs on me and pretended like they never knew me. I was so naive that once one of my family members tried to sexually harass me and I couldn’t say anything. I felt like i had lost my tongue. I stayed silent thinking that speaking up for myself will just lead to chaos. I remember how i used to be too available for the people i cared for. I made sure i was there to help my family and friends when they needed me. I helped my cousins in their studies, i used to do my friend’s homework before completing mine. And those same cousins and friends were jealous of me when i was doing good in life. They couldn’t see my happiness. I have always had this one motto in my life that is ‘Forgive and Forget’. But there was a point where i realised that it wasn’t working out for me. I was tired of being compromising and sacrificing because my efforts were going in vain. Now I’ve understood that the bottom of my issue was a need to be accepted and secure, i had a phobia of being rejected, so i worked hard on becoming more independent and courageous. Now i care for only those who deserve my time and attention.

Recently, one of my friends contacted me and confronted me saying that I do not call her anymore and I’m too busy to message her. This time i was not hesitate to face her by saying that i have stopped running after those friends who just remember me when they need me. Im more than happy with a bunch of few friends who actually care for my well being and who keep in touch with me no matter what. Now i have also started to speak about everything which i think goes against me because in all these years i have learned that keeping everything inside me just to avoid conflicts and chaos detoriates my inner peace and results in the constant battle with myself. I no longer want to affect my mental peace just to impress others. Now I have started to speak for my rights. I have become more independent and i try to seek happiness in myself rather than others. Im no longer scared to lose people because i believe that if you find yourself while losing people, its not a bad thing. Now i have learned to stay happy in my own world and around people who actually love me.

People might think that i have become indifferent and selfish and that i don’t care anymore but thats not true. I have just stopped chasing people who don’t deserve my care. Some people may have seen me as submissive, but the truth is that before i was busy securing myself from getting hurt emotionally and now i have stopped thinking unnecessarily and i just try to focus on becoming a better person and try to be there for everyone who is worth it.