Feeling of Real Home: How My Adopted Parents Saved Me

The home triggered a sense of familiarity which I couldn't define. Had I been here before? I stood on the ample gravel driveway glancing up at the three-bedroom detached family home, quietly tucked away at the end of a winding road on the outskirts of Hemel Hempstead. Externally, a fade in tawny brick, a gabled roof and bay windows. It looked like the other houses ordinary and homely. A row of colossal, sublime verdant-green conifer trees shielded the house from the road. My final house valuation of the day. Threatening slate-grey sombre clouds transcended over my head, the sky darkened within seconds. The bitter gust of wind whispered hystericallyto me, as if it was sending an admonition to leave.

I grabbed the key from underneath the matand hesitated for a brief moment. It was as if my subconscious mind was trying to tell me something. Screech! The front door opened onto a narrow, gloomy, draughty hallway. A fetid smell of dampnessfilled the motionless air. An eerie silence subsided on the house as it stood cold, lifelessand deserted.

With each step my midnight black boots took towards the living room, the chestnut wooden floor reverberated throughout the house. A dank, musty odour was released into the stagnant airas the door groaned open. The suffocatingstench of pungent nicotine wafted up from the darkness and stung my nostril, making me cough, retch and my stomach churn. Sickly cigarettes, half-filled coffee mugs and empty alcohol bottles were strewed across the nut-browncoffee table. The sills were rotted, the dated wallpaper was peeled and the ratty armchairdilapidated. It appeared the house had not been refurbished since the prehistoric times!

The kitchen was at the back of the house, overlooking a smallprivate enclosed rear garden. There was chaos - rotting rubbish spilling out of the bins; dirty dishes piled high in the sink, almost like a skyscraper, that could come crashing down any minute andbroken blinds. Windows shrouded by condensation, walls crawled with noxious mould. The state of the place was repellent! My pulsing sixth sense made me open the fridge. A mountain of liquor bottles, enough for the whole town, was stocked inside.

A perception evoked in my brainof a womanindignantly hurling porcelain plates, as if it was axe throwing; at the tall male silhouette behind the kitchen door and shouting what may have been abusive words. The sharp-edged pieces dispersed across the grimy floor. She stood slender with acute cheekbones on her ashen skin thatgave a haunted look like a creature from inferno. There were murkybags, nearly shadows, under herbloodshot eyes. I pulled back. I tried to recall where I had seen her before. But where? I felt a shiver. Something didn't seem right, why was I having this vision?

As I entered the dining room, a cold, chilly shiver ran down my spine whilst an unsettling image came to my brain of a petrified young girl garely five or six years old cowered and huddled in the corner, barefoot. Her head was curled onto her knees and her arms were around her legs; she shook and shivered. Trepidation soaked over her. 'I didn't do anything', she sobbed, trembling in consternation. 'Come here, you brat!', someone roared back in a thunderous, harshtone, which resonated around the house.The bulging ultramarine blue eyes on his fierce, intimidating face flashed terror, like a vicious lion ready to pounce.His temper was a cyclone which pounded through the house and terrorised his young, innocent daughter; his heart a rock. An entire army could be taken down by his muscular, strong shoulders and arms. He towered over her, ferociously, like a savage beast. His warm rancid alcohol breath wafted against her face. 'Nooooo! Please Dad, no!' Echoes of crying and pleading filled the room. She shielded her face with her forearm. A massive, hard hand slapped her across her face with full force. Smack! I was horror-struck and ignited in rage. My cheek felt the stinging anguish, like a hornet pricked me over and over again, as I raised my quivering fingers to touch it. Her torment could be felt through every fibre of my body. Who was she?

It felt like my cheekstung like mad. It was as if I could feel her torment through every fibre of my body. A frosty sweat trickled steadily down my neck and the fine hairs on my arms immediately raised upwards. My intense panting got louder and louder, as I rapidly turned my head in all directions to scanmy surroundings,to check if I was still alone. I cautiously climbed the screeching stairs leading up to the first floor; my heart pounded.

The first mahogany door I saw led me to asmall bedroom with nothing but a dirty mattress inside. My breath condensed in the room, as if I was in standing in Antarctica. The room oozed clamminess and smelt tremendously familiar. Another vision came into my mind of the same terrified young girl. Snot ran down her face, her eyes swollen and she could hardly breathe. She buried her head on the lumpy mattress face down and howled into the sodden pillow, long painful groans. She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed vehemently until she could sob no more. Her whole world was completely dark. She felt totally alone and got no warmth from the thin, scabrous grey blanket. A sea of sorrow flooded my cobalt blue eyes.I could taste her salty tears. I could feel her anguish through every vein in my body.

Something wasn't right! I suddenly had an epiphany. She was me! I had spent many hours, days, weeks, months locked away abandoned in this empty room with no toys to play, no one to talk to, no one to console me. Wherever I looked, wherever I stepped, whatever I touched, every smell; memories started to awaken. Were these my earliest memories? What was going on? It felt like time had stopped. I stood there frozen.

After what seemed like eternity, but had only been minutes, with a heavy heart I left the house in haste. The door furiously slammed shut behind me. I remembered to return the key underneath the 'welcome' mat. My blood rapidly boiled inside and my eyes gave one final, fearful glance of the house in front of me.Nobody could tell from looking at the outside of the ordinary looking house, what horrible hellish things had gone on in the inside, what now seemed to have been my living hell! I desperately needed answers. I rushed home.

'They have recently passed away hence the house is up for sale', she confessed. Pain was exposed everywhere in my body, from my skull to my little toe. I could not move or even breathe. Later that evening, my kind-hearted, caringmother explained in her soft, soothing voice, 'My dear Ellie. That was your biological parent's home, where you grew up'. My eyes flickered with tears as I gaped into my mother's pearl-grey eyes, which shone like a sparkling diamond, and locked me in my twinkling cobalt-blue eyes. My throat felt swollen. 'They had neglected you since birth! You suffered from lack of love, physical and psychological abuse. They had an alcohol addiction.T he house is for sale as they have recently passed away. Your Dad and I adopted you 14 years ago when you were 5'.

That evening, my mother explained in a soft, comforting, loving voice, 'My dear Ellie. That was your biological parents home, where you grew up'. My eyes flickered with tears as I gaped into my mother's pearl-grey eyes, which shone like a sparkling diamond. locked me in my twinkling ice- grey eyes. 'They had neglected you since birth! You suffered from lack of love, physical and psychological abuse. They also had a history of alcohol abuse'. 

I gasped! I was shocked and speechless. I was completely distraught. My head spun like a spinning top. I felt like I would vomit. Pain was exposed everywhere in my body, from my skull to my little toe. I could not move or even breathe. My heart was broken. My mother's words echoed in my paralysed head.Why would anyone treat a child like that? Tears ran down my face and I cried uncontrollably, as the morbid reality of my past kicked in.

Love poured over me as my Mum and Dad tenderly wrapped their arms comfortingly around me. Eventually, as my senses returned and my rapid heartbeat calmed down. I uttered a sigh and felt a sense of relief. I felt thankful and grateful that my adopted parents had been my saviour and given me a secure home, somewhere I was loved and part of a proper family.