Deathbed Regrets And How To Avoid Them

At one point or the other in our lives, we have had reasons to regret certain actions. Regrets often occur when we are faced with the consequences of our actions and felt we should have acted differently. The truth is, if we know better, we would have done the right thing. However, there are times we know the right thing to do but fail to do it because of what others might think or say. Most often when our choices boomerang, we are left alone to lick our own wounds, which is a vital reason why we should do what we know is right regardless of what others might think or say. Every one of us is born with an inner compass. It works as a nudge which drives us towards doing things that aligns with our purpose. Strangely, children have a great sensitivity to what they are originally designed to do. However, as we get socialized by the society, the voice of our inner compass is silenced and thus we end up going with the flow by succumbing to societal pressure. The second stage besides our childhood in which our inner compass becomes very active again is the moment we are about dying. In a twinkle of an eye, the movie of how we have lived our lives till that time would play in our head.

At a subconscious level, we would measure how we actually spent our days on earth against how God originally intended us to spend it. If an individual has successfully lived his life well in accordance to God's purpose till that time, he would experience peace of mind and be willing to die, but if the person had lived a life that deviates from his original purpose, he would feel a deep sense of regret and wish he could turn the hands of time.

Unfortunately by then, it would be too late. The truth is you only have one opportunity to live this life of yours. You have two options; to live it on purpose or waste it. In his book, “The Death of Ivan Ilych” Leo Tolstoy tells the story of a man who, like the extremely wealthy people of this world, achieved great material success in this life, but while lying on his deathbed looked back at all he had achieved and considered them vanity. He regretted that he didn't live the life he truly wanted to live, left to him, but instead lived the life the society expected of him. In the end, when most people look at life from a deeper perspective, they wake up to realize on their deathbed that everything they spent their entire life chasing were vanity, Bronnie Ware, a hospice nurse who has spent so many years taking care of the dying took a shot at finding out what really matters in life by interviewing her dying patients and asking them what they would do differently if they had the opportunity to start life all over again? Most of her interviews were carried out on the deathbed of the patients, few weeks to their actual death. She wrote her findings in her inspiring memoir, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, which has now been translated into 27 languages.

Here are the top five regrets of the dying according her:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

At the subconscious level, the nudge to live our purpose is always calling, but most often, we allow the noise of the society to drown the voice of our higher calling, reminding us the reason why we are here.

Your personal dreams and aspirations didn't come to you by chance; they are drop into your consciousness by God for manifestation. When the end is near, people often remember the dream they didn't follow.

It is better to follow your purpose now than to regret later. It is like the story I used to hear of a man who was going to sell his donkey at the market square. He was going with his son. Because he didn’t want his son to trek under the scotching sun, he allowed his son to climb on the donkey. Suddenly, people started to abuse the young son for climbing on the donkey while his father trekked. The father didn’t want people to have a bad picture of his son, so he decided that he should climb. When he climbed, people started to abuse him for letting his young son trek while he rode the donkey. So he pulled up his son to join him on the donkey, but as they rode to the market, people started to abuse him again. They called him and his son wicked people for mounting so much pressure on the poor donkey. So they decided to climb down from the donkey, and trek with it to the market, but strangely, people called them fools for trekking while they had a donkey that could carry either of them. In the end, the man returned home and decided not to proceed. This is how many people live their lives in their bid to please the society.

2. “I wish I didn’t work so hard.”

Majority of the dying regretted the pursuit of money over nurturing relationship with their loved ones.

Most often, what we think about is how to make more money, and we all go out of our ways to put in the time needed to get the amount of money we want, even at the expense of our relationship with our partners and loved one. No one who is dying wish he had made more money, instead they wish they had spent quality time nurturing their relationship with others and impacting their lives positively.

3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

Most people lived their entire existence in fear. Instead of expressing their true feeling and originality, they allow the thought of what others might think or say to stop them.

4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

It is not rare to see people abandon their loved ones in the course of searching for the next shinny thing. We allow our desire for more worldly things to keep us away from the important people in our lives. The dying considers such act a costly mistake.

5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

Most often, we worry over many things which never happen. We allow the cares of this world to steal our Happiness.

A lot of the dying wished they had worried less about this life and its vicissitudes but rather choose to live happily. You owe yourself your happiness. Your joy is your joy, and believe when I say no one else cares about your joy as much as you should. Everyone else is also looking out for their joy too.

The antidote to regret on one's deathbed is to find one's life purpose and live it. A close look at the five regrets of the dying, as revealed by Bronnie Ware shows that only three things matters in this life:

1. Living authentically, living for others or serving others, and happiness.
2. Discovering and living your purpose will help you to live an authentic life. You will have no reason to imitate or succumb to societal pressure. Moreover, the fact that your purpose is not just about you but about others will propel you to live for others.
3. Serving others with your purpose will inevitably bring joy and happiness to your life. In the end, finding fulfillment in life all begins with discovering your purpose and living out your purpose courageously.