The Influence Of Gender Norms On A Person’s Life

Gender roles have always been around. They can vary from place to place and they can evolve over time in different cultures and societies. For each gender, there are certain attitudes, domestic behaviors, traits, occupations and ways of life that are expected.

The Article “Gender Roles and Identity” explains that the way one talks, dresses, walks and grooms is different for Females and Males. Females are generally expected to be more polite, humble, good listeners, accommodating and nurturing. They are expected to pursue occupations such as Teachers, Nurses, Air Hostesses etc. In some cultures and societies, they are still expected to be a stay at home wife, so that they can take care of the children, cook and clean for the home. Whereas, men are expected to be strong, aggressive and bold. They are expected to pursue occupations like Pilots, Doctors, and Engineers. At home, they are expected to take care of the finances, work on the car and do at home repairs.

As a girl, I was always told to “Act like a girl”, “Sit like a girl” or sometimes even, “Talk like a girl” by my parents or peers whenever I did something against the gender norms. For them, “Acting like a girl” meant that I should be more emotional, wise and caring at times when I acted more strong, assertive, or controlling. “Sitting like a girl” meant that I should sit with my legs crossed whenever I would sit in a more “manly” way. “Talking like a girl” meant that I should be more polite, respectful and that I should be a good listener whenever I was being tough or unemotional. My female friends and I would have a curfew earlier in the evening whereas my male friends would have a curfew later at night. I come from the capital of Pakistan, but if you go to the more rural sides of Pakistan, the gender norms are prominent. Females are expected to be a stay-at-home wife when they get married. They get a frown from other people in their societies for having a career just because they are expected to stay at home and care for their family while the men go off to earn for their families.

Growing up in these gender norms has had a great effect on me. I sometimes still hear people say, “Learn how to cook and clean, otherwise, no man will marry you”. Whenever I would start to deviate from these norms, I, myself, would sometimes feel like I am doing something wrong. I felt more constricted and controlled. Sometimes, I would feel as if I do not have the option to voice out my opinion just because I should be more “respectful and polite” and somehow, voicing my opinion, as a girl, is considered disrespectful and impolite. Instead of having the pressure to work hard and become independent, the women in my society are taught to find a husband who can provide for them and make them feel as vulnerable and worthwhile and to do this, they need to learn how to cook and clean, due to which they are in constant pressure. I grew up in a more liberal environment when it came to cooking and cleaning. My mom has always wanted the best for me. She never put the pressure on learning how to cook or clean because she wanted me to pursue a good education so I can be a more strong independent woman. However, when it came to distant relatives, I would still hear things like, “You’re 18 and you still don’t know how to cook.” and “It’s a shame that you can’t cook because no one will marry you like this”. I would get criticized by the society. This had affected me in several ways, on times, I would get angry, or sad or sometimes, I just wouldn’t let it get to me. These statements can be strong enough, in a negative way, for a person to lose hope in what they are doing or enjoy doing.

When it comes to the people who think of themselves as non-stereotypical, even they would be surprised and I would get praised on, for choosing to be independent, by them for something that is expected and so normal for the male gender but when it comes to a girl, it's suddenly a huge achievement. These gender norms can have various effects on us. It can force us to hide our thoughts and desires from the world. They can also force us to shrink ourselves. They can even force someone to turn into somebody they’re not. They end up hiding who they truly are just because they do not want to be criticized by their families and their society. Suppressing our emotions and beliefs due to gender norms can lead to unhappiness, depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. People are forced to act in a way they are not comfortable with.

Gender norms can also influence one’s career selection. If one wants to be a doctor, the society may push them to be a nurse because one might say that a female does not have the ability and skills it takes to be a doctor. This forces you to pick a career, out of society’s pressure, that you don’t enjoy. Whenever I would carry and handle things which would be “too big for me”, I would immediately have someone offer “help” because it requires personal strength and toughness which “I wouldn’t have” because I’m “too vulnerable”.

All these gender norms can set limits to one’s personality and mental health awareness. They affect the way one wants to build and maintain a family and they affect the economy by creating a wage.