The Importance of Respect and Obedience to Our Parents in Islam

DedicationI dedicate this research to God Almighty my creator, my strong pillar, my source of inspiration, wisdom, knowledge and understanding. He has been the source of my strength throughout this research and on His wings only have I soared. I also dedicate this work to my fellow friends who have encouraged me all the way and whose encouragement has made sure that I give it all it takes to finish that which I have started. Lastly, I dedicate this research to my lecturer who has taught us and given us knowledge and also helped us throughout this research. The main aim of this essay is to explore the importance of respect and obedience to our parents, to show the significance of parents, why we should obey them and what we shall get in return as rewards for obeying them in Islam. This essay will cover extensively on how worthy parents are to children’s lives in both this World and the Hereafter. It will also the different ways on how to show gratitude and support parents in Islam.

Unity, peace and obedience are essential in every family between children and their parents. In Islam, showing obedience to parents is the fastest way of earning blessings from them and from Allah. Obeying parents is a direct commandment of Allah. The word obey cannot be separated from the idea of honoring them. Honor your parents so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy life on earth. Therefore, every Muslim must show goodness and mercy to his parents throughout their lives. The Qur’an says the only time a child should say no to his parents and disobey them is when they are asked to something that is not allowed by Allah including committing sins, lying and so on. If not, the children must show love and gratitude to their parents.

What Does Islam Says About the Importance of Respect and Obedience to Our Parents?

Obedience is a form of social influence that occurs when a person yields to explicit instructions on orders from an authority figure. In everyday situations, people obey orders because they want to get rewards, because they want to avoid the negative consequences of disobeying, and because they believe an authority is legitimate. In more extreme situations, people obey even when they are required to violate their own values or commit crimes.

Islam builds a family in which prevails mutual respect and care. Parents and children in Islam are bound together by mutual obligations and reciprocal arrangements. Allah Says: “…No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child…”.

The Quran has made it compulsory for the child to treat his parents with all goodness and mercy. Every Muslim must show goodness and mercy to his parents throughout their lives. There is only one exception to this, and that is, if the parents ask their children to associate anything with Allah and to commit sins, then the children must not obey their parents. In all cases, the children must show love and gratitude to their parents. They must always speak to them gently and respectfully. They must try their best to make them happy, provided they do not disobey Allah in the process. Allah says: “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly…”

In this essay about the importance of respect and obedience to our parents I want to note what exactly does Islam include in these rules/terms:

• First of all is being patient and tolerant with parents.

Everyone makes mistakes, if parents do something bad that is against the religion or against the wish of their children, it becomes the responsibly of the child to have patience and tolerance. Instead of venting out in anger, children must take great care not to react wrongly to what their parents have said or done. It is a great sin to dishonor parents.

• Second, we need to always pray for their well-being.

It is the duty of every Muslim to continue praying for their parents upon their death. Muslims should ask Allah to forgive their parents after their passing. Such prayer will be regarded as a continuous charity as the prophet (Sallallahu ‘Alayhi wa Salam) has informed us.

• Third is about the greater right of the mother.

In families, mothers are the most important as they traditionally spend most of their time taking care of their children. As a result, a child’s gratitude should be more towards their mother.

• And the last one is to know our duties.

When a child comes of age, it becomes their duty to provide for their parents at all cost if they are able to do so. Showing them kindness, compassion, gratitude, reverence and respect, praying for them and supporting them financially if they are in need are incumbent upon every Muslim who has one or both parents alive.

Allah sums this in the Quran saying: “and We have enjoined upon man (care) for his parents: His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and your Parents; to Me is the final destination”. 

Why It Is a Problem for Modern Society?

In today’s society obedience to parents is one the most disturbing and challenging topic that faces the youth living in this world. Most of the youths disobey their parents in one way or another not knowing the consequences of their mistakes. This is as a result of the illiteracy of the youth in acquiring knowledge about the significance of obeying their parents and also the punishments of disobeying parents in Islam.

Abu Bakr narrated that Allah’s Messenger asked: “Shall I not tell you about the biggest of the major sins?” They said: “Of course, O Messenger of Allah!” He said: “To join partners with Allah and to disobey one’s parents.” Abu Bakr said: “He (the Prophet) sat up, and he had been reclining. He said: “And false testimony, or false speech. And the Messenger of Allah would not stop saying it until we said to ourselves: We wish that he would stop.”

The above hadith tells us that disobedience to parents is a destructive element in a society that loudly proclaims children’s rights. Yet children’s disobedience to their parents is such a serious sin in Islam that it comes second only to the greatest sin: shirk or associating partners with Allah. From the above, we can understand why the second greatest sin, after ascribing partners with Allah, is disobedience to parents. This disobedience is manifested in many ways in the lives of people today, some of which include the following:

• Ingratitude: failing to thank them for all their sacrifices while raising us as responsible human beings
• Disrespecting them by being rude and defiant.
• Treating them cruelly and harshly.
• Not showing them love or treating them kindly.
• Annoying and displeasing them.
• Abusing them, as indicated in the hadith under discussion
• Abandoning them when they need their children the most.

Summing Up Above Analysis

The parent-child relationship is the pillar of family life and the basic building block of civilization. Islam teaches us to cultivate positive, healthy, and functional relations between parents and their children. Part of this imperative is to balance the rights and duties of both parents and children. Children have the duty to support their parents and obey all of their reasonable requests, while parents need to give their children room to grow and to develop their unique personalities. Righteousness to parents is a core concept in Islamic ethics. In many verses and traditions, good conduct towards one’s parents is mentioned right alongside the worship of Allah. Allah said:

“Worship Allah, associate nothing with Him, and be good to your parents.”

“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and be good to your parents.” 

The close proximity of these commands shows their importance in the hierarchy of Islamic priorities. Indeed, disobedience to parents is considered one of the major sins, and displeasing one’s parents without a just cause threatens one’s relationship with Allah.

Conclusion and Recommendations

Some of the proposals I would like to divulge on the topic concerning significance of obeying parents in Islam include:

• Children should be taken to Madrassas (Islamic Schools) to be taught the importance of obeying parents in Islam.
• Parents should coach their children from their early stage so that they grow with good conduct and moral values to obey them.
• Parents should give light punishments to their children whenever applicable if they do them wrong.
• Parents should show love and aspiration to their children so that they do not disobey them.

Children should also make an effort in honoring their parents in different ways such as:

• Address your parents with proper etiquette and do not say to them uff [expression of annoyance] nor rebuke them. And speak to them with good words.
• Be kind to your parents and do not frown at them nor stare at them with anger.
• Preserve their reputation, honor, and wealth and do not take anything from it without their permission.
• Seek advice from them in all of your affairs and apologize when you have to disagree with them.
• Do not keep insisting [things] on them nor raise your voice at them. Listen to their speech and behave properly with them. Also, do not bother one of your siblings out of honor for your parents [because it would annoy them].
• Stand up for them when they enter [into the room] and kiss their forehead.
• Help your mother in the house and do not delay assisting your father with his work.

To sum it all, children have a duty to obey and respect their parents (especially their mother as the paradise lies in her feet) in matters of good conduct, that which is beneficial and not sinful, harmful, or unreasonable. By doing so they will earn rewards from Allah and they will also earn blessings from their parents.

Parents also have a reciprocal responsibility to allow their children to have the opportunity to grow and develop on their own terms, as long as their path is lawful and good. In ideal circumstances, parents and children should come to an agreement that satisfies the needs and desires of everyone.