The Five Love Languages According To Dr. Gary Chapman

Lao Tzu once said that being able to love someone deeply is what gives us courage and being loved by someone deeply gives us strength and he was very right. Normally when in romantic relationships, we all tend to show love and affection to our loved ones in an exact way we would like to receive it from them. For instance, those individuals who usually feel the need for a big hug while going through tough situations in their life usually do the same with their partners as they normally assume that their partners would want the same thing.

This type of approach, however, does not always work since everybody is different with varying tastes and preferences when it comes to what really makes us feel cherished and loved. A pastor and an author by the name of Dr. Gary Chapman wrote what came to be a very influential book in 1992 which he explained the various languages of love. The book which is called The 5 Love Languages became an instant hit upon its release and up to today, the book is still being held in high regard.

In his book, Dr. Gary Chapman explored the five primary ways that all persons from all over the world interpret and express their love and affection for their partners. The many years that Dr. Gary Chapman had spent counseling married couples helped him to notice specific patterns in the way couples communicate with each other. This is what made him realize that love is a universal language that is interpreted and expressed by everyone in the same five ways and these five ways are what he called the five languages of love.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, each and every one of us has one secondary and core love language and we usually tend to give and to show love and affection in the manner we prefer to receive it from our partners. In any romantic relationship, this part is usually the hardest since everyone is different hence we do not share the same tastes and preferences as our partners but by being able to comprehend the tastes and preferences of our partners, we can be able to have fruitful and long-lasting romantic relationships. The five love languages are as follows;

Words of affirmation. Words are normally very essential when trying to express yourself and this is why one of the best ways for us to express our love is by using words. When a couple fails to use affirming words they can easily find their relationship to be heading the wrong way. Without words of affirmation, one person can start to feel as if he/she is unappreciated and when one individual in the relationship finds himself or herself to be the one making all the effort so as to please the other partner, then this person becomes resentful resulting to the end of the relationship.

Words of appreciation are very important in a relationship as they help us to express our love and therefore you should always make an effort of using words of affirmation to be able to lay a firm and ideal foundation for your relationship. These words can be expressed in statements of affirmation as follows;

"You always make me laugh."

"You look beautiful in that dress."

"Wow! You look sharp in that suit."

For you to be able to have a healthy romantic relationship, it is essential for both parties to make a habit of looking for positive traits in their partner and also to acknowledge them on a day to day basis. This way, both parties will feel appreciated and important which will help to strengthen the relationship. Also, when giving your partner compliments, take the time to make that you add some specific details about your partner; this will help to make them feel genuinely appreciated and loved.

Quality time. This language of love means giving your partner your whole attention. Some individuals make a mistake of confusing the act of spending quality time with the love of their life with maybe watching TV shows together which is far from it. Spending quality time together as a couple means giving each other your undivided attention, it means sitting with all your toys and gadgets away from you and talking while looking at each other. You can also spend some quality time simply walking or doing any kind of activity together and alone with your partner.

Some people might take this for granted, but spending some quality time together as a couple is one of the things that make the relationship to be stronger and healthy. This is because it allows us to be able to put into consideration the feelings of our partners and also helps you to understand each other better, reducing the chances of hurting each other. When you spend quality time with your partner, it makes him/her feel loved and special and this is also essential as it helps couples to open up to one another making it easier for the couple to be able to detect and to solve any problems their relationship might face at an early stage.

Countless studies have shown that lack of spending quality time together as a couple is one of the primary reasons why most relationships and marriages fail as people seek to replace the emotional void that is brought about by lack of spending quality time together, making the couple to go their separate ways.

Receiving gifts. We all love gifts, it is in our nature as humans to love gifts and this is why receiving gifts is one of the languages of love. Gifts usually play a very crucial role in any romantic relationship as they serve as gestures of appreciation towards our partners and they also enable us to show to our partners just how much they mean to us. Therefore, gifts are mandatory when looking to build a lasting, loving, and a healthy relationship. They also allow us to know our partners better as before you decide which gift you are going to get for your partner, you will need to first carefully study your partner's personality, tastes, and preferences so that you can be able to give your partner a gift that you know he/she will love and appreciate.

Giving gifts is not only good for the one receiving as it also makes the giver to have a self-gratification feeling which is priceless. This is because giving leaves a lasting fulfilling experience which cannot be compared to that of the joy that comes from receiving the gift since it's usually temporary. This is why couples are encouraged to give each other gifts, to ensure that it is not just one party who is doing the giving as it can mark the beginning of the end of the relationship. You are however advised that before you decide which gift to give your partner, you must consider the stage of the relationship that you are in. This basically means that gifts that you would buy for your new found love are not the same as those which you would get for your married partner. While dating, avoid giving extravagant gifts as they may result in your partner feeling manipulated since at that stage, giving is considered to be reciprocal. For those who are married or are in other established relationships, they can be able to give their partners all kinds of gifts at that point, gift giving is usually more symbolic and emotional.

Acts of service. This is where couples do things that they are sure their partners would them to do. Individuals perform acts of service so as to please their partners and to be able to express their love and affection for them by performing their duties for them. Some of the services which you can perform for your partner are such as; giving them a massage, preparing their favorite dish for them, vacuuming, among many others. In general, acts of service are all about being selfless, and this is why to most people, this is usually the most difficult language of love to fulfill since the giver does not get rewarded immediately. Acts of service are difficult to perform mainly because they at times lead to people sacrificing their own desires so as to please their partners but this should not be a problem because this is what marriage and other relationships are all about, commitment and making a constant sacrifice.

Physical touch. This is the last love language and it is usually one of the most popular ways of expressing our emotional love for our partners. Physical touch can be in the form of having sexual intercourse, embracing, holding hands, and kissing, among many others and it is the core language of love for most individuals. The reason why physical touch means so much to many people is that when it is withheld, most individuals usually feel empty, unwanted, and unloved but with the presence of physical touch in the relationship, they feel secure and loved.

This reaction is natural as touch is one of the fundamental human needs starting from the time we are toddlers. Touch plays a very essential part in the emotional, social, and physical well-being of babies during their growth and it continues to be important even when we become adults. Physical touch basically enables us to be able to communicate love, happiness, compassion, tenderness, fear, and anger with our partners and this is something that is in every one of us no matter where you come from.