The Consequences of Losing Your Own Passion

Think about your passion, something you love to do, the thing that you look forward to. It could be anything from playing the piano to swimming or running/ Now imagine that thing being taken away from you.

At the age of 6 I began little athletics and instantly discovered my love for hurdles.

I started training 3 times a week with a variety of coaches and spent many weekends competing in local tournaments.

I began to get attached to the rush of racing and feeling of satisfaction it gave me.

I continued hurdling for 8 years until I was 14, when I was diagnosed with chronic ankle instability.

For those of you that don’t know, chronic ankle instability is a condition characterized by the recurring giving way of the outer side of the ankle.

So, for the next two years I underwent numerous strengthening programs in hope to gain the strength back in my ankles, but there was no improvement. After, in 2018, I was consequently told that I was never going to be able to hurdle again, and that ankle reconstruction surgeries where now necessary in order to get back to any sport at all.

I would say this was a shook... but it kind of wasn’t. I’m not going to lie I have had my fair share of injuries and have lost count of the amount of times someone has threatened to wrap me in bubble wrap.

Firstly, at the age of 9, I broke my right arm. Then, at the age 10 I again broke my right arm. Then I broke two fingers, fractured my left wrist, got a concussion and was rushed to hospital in an ambulance… and fractured my ankle during badminton.

Additionally, in the 9 years that I played both winter and spring netball, I continuously rolled my ankles, causing the ligaments to become weaker and weaker. It got to the point that I was rolling them while walking down the stairs or on uneven surfaces. All of these regular injuries contributed to my diagnosis.

So… Imagine you broke your foot, the first things that you would worry about would be the pain and having to use crutches walking up the school stairs, maybe you would even be concerned about losing your fitness or putting on weight. But you wouldn’t worry about how this injury was going to affect your mental health. It’s the physical consequences that people focus on, however not many people are aware of just how overwhelming the psychological ones are.

Statistics state that 17% of athletes who undergo chronic injuries never return to their professional sport. Unfortunately, the Denver Broncos wide receiver, Kenny McKinley, suffered this fate when he grew depressed following a knee injury which sidelined him for the entire season, and was later found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. When I was told I was never going to be able to hurdle again, I suddenly felt lost. I’d lost my passion, I’d lost the thing that had given my life a purpose.

The routine that I had had for a major portion of my life had abruptly disappeared. I felt like a caged animal.

I started to lose my motivation to do anything and everything. I couldn’t find the strength to do my rehab program, and completing my homework and cleaning my room, became big obstacles in my day. I additionally was finding it harder to sleep and therefore concentrating in class became a major daily challenge. I began to feel pretty depressed.

A study conducted by the Harvard School of Public Health, discovered that running for 15 minutes a day or walking for an hour:

• reduces the risk of major depression by 26%
• regulates circadian rhythms which is just a fancy word for body clock
• promotes sleep due to the post-exercise drop in body temp
• as well as stimulating the growth of new brain cells

Furthermore, during exercise, your brain releases endorphins and the chemical, serotonin, which are scientifically proven to increase your happiness levels and alertness. As this part of my lifestyle had been interrupted, I started spiralling downwards, and getting through each day was becoming harder and harder.

However, this change in my mentality wasn’t something that happened overnight, it was a slow, gradual deterioration. I didn’t realise as it was slipping away, but now when I look back at who I was 2 years ago I realise the way in which sport had given me a special mental spark

When I lost my passion, I started to question who I was, but now that I’m through the hardest part, I’m starting to find my way back and I’m very thankful to be able to return to sport in the near future.

I never realised before, just how much an injury can take a toll on your life and become the thing that’s constantly pulling you down. And yes, the physical consequences are tough, but the psychological ones can make you feel as though you are drowning and there is no way back to the surface. It has been said, that for people in which exercise are a major part of their lives, having to stop can almost been like going through withdrawal from a drug.

Thank you.