Our Life Is Worthy Of The Breath
One of the most beautiful things about life is how without any effort on our end, we manage to attain the next breath. Since I lost my mother, each breath has been a constant reminder of the emptiness, of the pointlessness of it all. I’ve been breathing as though it were a chore. I want to close my eyes, escape and breath in new surroundings. Perhaps much more than exhausted by breathing, I suspect it’s the breathing in melancholy which is now running smoothly in my veins.
My hope is that the act of speaking our truth may come to us you with the ease with which our next breath comes. I find it a wonder that we don’t have to get affirmation from anyone in order to breath – we just do it. The worst life ever lived, might be the one lived by he who questions if he is worthy of the breath that’s freely and naturally accorded to him. Close your eyes and imagine your heart is a guitar and through speaking, you get to communicate your truth. Speak your mind and let yourself become part of the composition of this here and now moment that will never again come to pass again.
Being black and gay is a two edged sword constantly reminding you with cuts, that there is a part of society that believes you are doing the world injustice by breathing. By entertaining this kind of thinking, even by a mere fraction, we ourselves participate in injustice. It’s almost embedded in our archetype to suppress who we are, our desire, thoughts and feelings. Every morning when I wake up, I have to look myself in the mirror and unlearn who history says I am by reminding myself that I deserve to be here. So when we say we are treated differently in the work space because we are black and gay, we are not “reinforcing racist ideas in our realities”. We are choosing to recognize a historic perception, that’s already working against us in the seats of power. You have a long way to go if, in your mantras and chants, think you can overlook a historical representation that has already determined your position in a ladder you trying to climb. You wouldn’t have to think positively or chant if this representation wasn’t at work, to begin with. You, my dear, don’t have the luxury of turning a blind eye. Recognize the forces working against you and choose your battles wisely. But choose you must. Refuse to be silenced as emotional and angry, in fact, be aggressive about speaking your mind. Don’t wait for permission to speak your turn. Stop tilting your head to the side then bending your knee and passively leaning your hand over for a handshake. Stop hiding your mouth with your arms every time you laugh. Stop downplaying yourself. Stop articulating your thoughts like they are some kind of an apology. Stop saying, ‘I’m not sure if this idea will work’ when you actually mean to say that it’s either THIS or everything we are doing here is BS. Stop waiting for permission to speak your truth. If someone tries acting funny, grab their balls and squeeze them like a stress ball and proceed to make your point. Say it even if you are shaking doing so. Say it, you must.
Remember that in our fight against white supremacy, we are as good as fighting schizophrenia – completely out of touch with reality. You’re the only sane one in that encounter. It’s not news that nothing lacks the depth of character, skill and passion more than whiteness. The only thing whiteness still has going on for itself are the remnants of a history of oppression. It is in a sense, like the stupid bully who had nothing going on for themselves but the fact that they were bigger and therefore seemed more powerful. On our way there, remember to breathe, please. Don’t keep your breath to yourself. Let it out. Take one breath at a time child. Remember that the plants need the carbon dioxide that you are breathing out. Do it, at least for them. There’s enough oxygen to go around, so take it in. Breathe. You deserve to be here.
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