Childcare as an Important Stage of Life Towards Adulthood

Cindy is a 50-year-old Thai American female. She has two children, a 9-year-old son, and a 13-year-old daughter. Cindy was observed at two different locations on two different occasions, Main Event and The Flower Mound Community pool over a total of five hours. She gave her permission to be observed. Cindy was observed for 2 hours at Main Event while bowling with her children and other mothers and their children. While there, her 9-year-old son became extremely upset because he was losing at bowling. This caused him to want to leave. He decided the place was terrible and he was not having fun. He was extremely agitated and blamed everyone for his 'losing.' Cindy tried to comfort him and tell him it was just a game. She even tried to get gutter balls on purpose to make her score lower than his. This did not work. She offered to buy him a treat from the menu. She took her glasses out, put them on and read him the menu to him, but he refused her offer.

After a while, Cindy began to get frustrated and lost her patience. She just started screaming at him. It was loud and intense, strangers in other lanes started staring. This escalated the situation. He cried more and screamed he did not want to live with her anymore just his dad. Cindy ignored him and her son got up and sat at a different table. After sitting by himself he tried saying things to his mom but she could not hear him and told him to speak up. He cried and claimed she would not answer him. This resorted to them ignoring each other. As Cindy was bowling she yelled over at him telling him he was not going to ruin everyone else fun because he wanted to leave. Her son was still not over the situation and was very unhappy that they were still there. He started talking to one of the other moms and asked her to talk to his mom and tell her he was not living with her anymore. Cindy ranted to another mom. She was cursing and calling her son names. Cindy’s daughter tried to help but was yelled at and told to “butt out, and mind her own business.”

Cindy continued to bowl but became overwhelmed with the situation as her son continued to cry and tell all the other moms his mom was horrible. She stepped outside to call her son's counselor and her boyfriend. She was crying and needed someone to calm her down because the situation made her angry. Her daughter was not phased with the situation and said to ignore her brother as it will make it worse. The daughter said he often does this when they are at their dad's house when he does not get his way. Everyone bowled in silence for the remainder of the time.

After talking on the phone, Cindy tried to engage her son again calmly but he continued to cry and tell everyone his mom was mean. This did not go well and Cindy screamed at him some more and told everyone to ignore him that he was being rude and selfish. Her son began to beg the other mom they rode with to take them home. Cindy refused to leave because she was with another family and did not want to ruin their time. At some point, she took him outside and waited for everyone else to be done so they could be taken home. The situation was rather awkward and caused everyone to sit in silence. Eventually, the people that they rode with left the building, met them outside and took them home. That was the conclusion of the first day of observations.

The second observation took place at the community pool for three hours. This time everyone seemed to be all smiles. Cindy got in the pool and encouraged her son to try the water slides. He was scared, but he eventually did it. She was proud of him and he was proud of himself. When he was confident to do it himself, he ran off with friends and left his mom's side. After her son went and played with other friends, Cindy got out of the water and sat at a table with her daughter who did not want to go swimming. Her daughter seemed to be self-conscious causing her to be reluctant to get in the pool. She finally was convinced to do so and her mom went with until she was comfortable.

After both kids were happy playing in the water with friends, Cindy sat with another mom, her best friend. She started talking about how worried she was about her son and how the medication he is on has not helped. She started to cry. Her friend tried to comfort her but it did not seem to help. Cindy continued to cry and express how she was worried about supporting her kids with only the money she gets from child support and alimony. Cindy said she was torn because she knows she needs a job but worried about her son. She was afraid of the school calling and having to leave work when he was in crisis. 'Who is going to hire someone who leaves all the time?' She also talked about how she feels judged because she does not work and just lives on what she receives from her separation agreement. Cindy told her friend that her boyfriend is supportive but she does not have any family and that she was her only true friend. She also talked about how she is so much older than other moms and that time is running out for her to find a new career after being a stay at his mom for so long. Cindy complained that she was ten years older than her friend but they had kids the same age. She said she worried all the time about the future and her son. Cindy stated the only time she felt good and did not worry about life was when she was at the gym doing CrossFit. It was her safe place and let her get rid of all that anxiety and worry.

Cindy saw her kids getting out of the pool and approaching the table. She quickly stopped her conversation and dried her tears. Cindy went and bought them some lunch from the snack bar and they all ate together. Lunch seemed rather tame and peaceful as they talked and laughed. After they ate Cindy joined them back in the pool and the observation was over.

Section II: Comparison

During the Biosocial Stage of Development of adulthood, senescence begins. The body tends to slow down and become less strong (Berger, 2017). Based on Cindy's appearance the aging process is going slowly. Cindy is average weight and is muscular in her legs and arms. She still has thick black hair. Her only signs of aging are some white hairs and a few wrinkles that appear on her face. Based on her ability to bowl and swim she seems to be in great physical shape. She also engages in daily CrossFit workouts which require great physical endurance.

Eyesight and hearing often lessen during this stage of development (Berger, 2017). This appeared to be true concerning Cindy. It seems Cindy's eyesight and hearing is that of a middle-aged adult. She had to read the menu with her glasses. She also appeared to be experiencing Presbycusus (Berger, 2017). Cindy had a hard time hearing her son when he was sitting across from her. It was hard for her to understand what was being said unless she was close enough.

Based on Cindy's age and her children's age she had children later in life. She was in her late 30s when she had her daughter and in her 40s with her son. Based on the conversation with her friend, she and her ex-husband waited 12 years after getting married to have kids. When they finally decided to have children it took them a while to get pregnant each time. Her second pregnancy was achieved through fertility treatments. This is not uncommon in older women due to the decrease in hormones and egg production (Berger, 2017).

During this period of developmental, adults will use exercise to help them physically and mentally (Berger, 2017). Cindy does this as well. She stays in shape but it also relaxes her and takes away her anxious thoughts about money and the health of her child. Cindy often feels anxious worrying about her finances and supporting her children. This is mostly based on the fact she is 50 and has younger children to care for. She worries about her age and being too old to accomplish anything after her children are grown.

Looking at the Cognitive Development Stage, Cindy does not appear to have a high level of fluid intelligence based on a study given to adults 34 to 83. Adults who were exposed to high levels of stress but do not suffer from it were considered to have a high level of fluid intelligence (Berger, 2017). Based on Cindy's reaction to her son's meltdown and the stress of her divorce and financial situation, she is not able to work through or turn the stress around. Instead, she is greatly affected by it making her agitated and anxious. It seems when she is exposed to high levels of stress she becomes very emotional or angry. Accumulating stress during the cognitive stage of adulthood is common. For some people, it will affect them physically or psychologically. It has been asked if adults learn better-coping skills as they grow older. Some research suggests that this might be the case (Berger, 2017). In Cindy's situation, it does not appear she copes well with stress. Cindy demonstrated avoidance coping when she decided to ignore her son (Berger, 2017). However, at some point, she also used emotional coping when screaming at him at the bowling alley (Berger, 2017). Based on these situations is does not appear Cindy has learned to cope with her son's issues even though she is 50 years old. This goes against the norm of what research says about coping with stress better as one becomes older and ages with maturity (Berger, 2017). Research also states that 'older parents tend to be more patient and age correlates to better parenting' (Berger, 2017, pg 609). However, in Cindy's case, this does not prove to be true. It may be that her angry outbursts at her children may be a result of her impending divorce or that her son's undiagnosed condition may prove to be a lot to handle. In the Psychosocial Development Stage of adulthood, Erikson's theory explores two stages; intimacy versus isolation and generativity versus stagnation. During stage six of intimacy versus isolation, adults want to connect with other adults in order to not feel alone (Berger, 2017). Cindy called her boyfriend when her son was having a crisis. She reached out to him for support to not have to experience the situation alone. It is also could be hypothesized that Cindy has a boyfriend to have an intimate connection since her divorce is pending.

In Erikson's seventh stage of generativity versus stagnation, adults want to be caring and needed and this is often seen in parenting (Berger, 2017). Cindy is no different from others in this stage. She takes care of her children and worries about not being able to support them because of finances. She wants to be able to support them and has made this her purpose. She expressed this when she spoke of not wanting to get a job because she did not want to take away caring for her children.

Also during the Psychosocial Stage of adulthood romantic and non-romantic relationships are important. Intimacy is needed by humans to satisfy emotional needs found in spouses, family, and friends (Berger, 2017). This was evident when Cindy was sharing her concerns with her friend. She is part of her support system and a trusted companion. Because Cindy is getting a divorce she no longer has the support of her spouse, so establishing relationships with others for companionship is an important aspect of adulthood.

Generativity is a large aspect of the middle adulthood stage of development. “Adults satisfy their needs to be generative in many ways, especially through parenthood, caregiving, and employment” (Berger, 2017, pg. 626). This aspect of life is also important to Cindy based on the short amount of time she was observed. It seems Cindy’s main objective is parenthood. She wants to provide for her children and give them the best life that she can. It seems that she is struggling in this area as her son as some kind of emotional or medical condition. During this stage parents often have to adjust to the needs of their children and the problems that arise. It seems she is having difficulty doing this.

Childcare is a very important part of this stage of life as well. It requires not only caring for the physical needs of a child but psychological needs (Berger, 2017). Being able to give care is a large part of generative adulthood (Berger, 2017). Cindy gives care to her children as well. Although it seems she has little patience and coping skills, she still cares and provides for her children. She tried to comfort her son by losing and buying him a treat. She also has tried helping by taking him to a counselor. This became known when she tried calling the counselor at the bowling alley to get some help.

Finally, employment is also an important aspect of adulthood. It can give adults a purpose that can rais self-esteem and sense of self-worth and success (Berger, 2017). Work allows some individuals to express creativity, develop their personal skills, support their family and contribute to their families (Berger, 2017). Based on Cindy’s observation, working is something that she wants but is afraid. She thinks no will hire someone who has been a stay at home mom for 13 years and she worries about balancing her children and work life. She does not want to take away from her children. Based on her comment about being judged for not working, it seems she feels shameful or has low self-esteem over the fact she does not have a job. Cindy may find some happiness if she chooses to work because it can take away her financial woes and increase her self-esteem. During this stage of life, many things are occurring all at once. Cindy is experiencing a lot. She is adapting to single parenthood, starting a new relationship, living on her own, and trying to figure out a career after being a stay at home mom for the last 13 years. In many aspects, she is experiencing what a lot of people at this age are going through. Although her circumstances are common to people at this age, according to research she is not coping or handling situations that come with age. As she gets used to her new life without her husband these issues may resolve and her stress levels may return to levels of where she can cope.