An Independent Assessment of Baptism

College Essay Assignment

Baptism is just a word. A word with a meaning, but a word just the same. Baptism means “A person's initiation into a particular activity or role, typically one perceived as difficult.” For me, the role that I was being initiated into was adulthood. With adulthood comes many challenges. Some challenges are dealing with stress, the higher expectations of others and learning to exercise what you believe to all those around you. Needless to say, I wasn’t an adult quite yet. I first had to learn to adapt to the challenges that came with adulthood.

At first, I didn’t know if I’d meet the high expectations that others now held for me. They didn’t expect me to just look cute anymore. They didn’t expect me to just get by on mediocre talent. At first, the thought that I might not be good enough overwhelmed me. I was terrified that I wouldn’t match up to their standards. But there was a moment when I realized that the only standards that should really matter to me are my own and the standards that God set for me in the bible. I had the choice to set my own standards and live by them. And I did just that. I began to see things a different way, a new way of thinking and of living. I decided who I dated, what I participated in, and how I acted in public. From my point of view, all eyes were on me. And I wasn’t going to let anyone down. Especially my parents. Unfortunately, when you set incredibly high standards for yourself and everyone around you, you get to know the feeling of stress very well. Yet another challenge I wasn’t ready for.

Under stress I wasn’t exactly the most placid, calm person you’d ever meet. At a young age, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and stress really affected it. It also affected my depression. However, I learned rather quickly that my way of doing things wouldn’t cut it. Keeping my worries and troubles to myself only made them worse and eventually I couldn’t deal with it all so I began self-harming. Ultimately, my relationship with God was the reason I was able to stop self-harming and am now 6 months self harm free. Prayer really helped me to mature throughout this time and really realize that no matter what was going on in my life that I had a purpose and I couldn’t fulfill that purpose hiding in bed.

One turning point, where I really changed from a child to an adult was when I decided to really live out my faith, not only in my home and in church, but also in school with my friends. When I read John 15:16 I realized that I wasn’t practicing what I believed. I wasn’t making disciples and telling my friends about what I had learned. I wasn’t sharing with them the songs I had sung on Sunday in church. I hadn’t been doing any of this for fear that they might reject me. I was so afraid of what others thought of me that I had forgotten the most important persons opinion in my life, God’s. When I thought about all of the things I had been doing, I realized that I wasn’t even devoting my time to reading the bible anymore. I had gotten so far off track in my studies and trying to fit in that I forgot that I wasn’t born to fit in in the first place! For the first time it clicked that being different and mature and kind might not be such a bad thing. Maybe it was the best thing I could be doing. It started out with one day. I prayed for the wisdom to know what I should be doing. And I began to lean on God more and more, trusting him with every aspect of my life. As silly as it sounds, the only song that calms me down when I’m nervous is “Our God” by Chris Tomlin. It reminds me that, “Our God is Greater, Our God is stronger…” Everyday I make a choice, whether it’s small or large, that determines whether I’m an adult or a child. But the one choice that really made me an adult was saying yes to Jesus. And it’s the one choice that I’ll always stick by.