The Role Of Parents In My Identity

Identity is hard to explain, it is something that you must constantly earn, it is not always about who you are but how you end up being yourself. How you end up navigating in this world where you’re not following in someone’s footsteps of listen to others wanting to mold you into something that you’re not. Identity implies individuality- you need to preserve your uniqueness to establish your presence. You do not want to remain anonymous, boring, or ordinary. This is mostly the case when it comes to teenagers. They’re on a journey of searching for their identity or trying to understand who is it that they want to become. Often teenagers are unsure and end up (although not always) getting involved in situations that make them become feel like they’re being valued and appreciated. Wanting to become adults they try or do things that are still not in level with their maturity. They might try drugs, alcohol, get involved in violence or even consider having kids. Rarely do teenagers know what they’re doing or what consequences result from their actions. They’re often lost, or do things to get attention. It might be the only way that get them noticed and seem ‘cool’ among their peers. When I was growing up I used to look up to my parents as my role models. I thought that they knew everything in the world to tell me who I should become and what path I should follow.

Even though I knew that my journey would be different and that I am given a choice of becoming whoever I want to be I was often lost. I know that my parents where shielding me from the ‘dangers’ of this world. They didn’t want me to follow in their footsteps of working in a job where they weren’t happy or attending school that they didn’t see their future in. They wanted me to be happy and pick something that I would flourish in. I always thought that if I earn good grades that it would be enough to make them happy. Not that my parents were strict about me getting all A’s. They never yelled at me if I got a C or lower. They were understanding that I might have it harder than others since I need to listen twice as hard to what is being said. And that certain environments make it harder for me to follow in a conversation. I remember a lot of people telling me what I can and can’t do as a deaf person. They had a certain idea of what my identity is. Although I had friends at school and beyond when I was younger, I was often lonely. Or my friend’s parents told their kids to act a certain way around me or speak literally inches from my face making sure I ‘see’ them. That’s not how it worked. I got annoyed easily and always wondered why my friends are tense within first couple minutes coming over to play with me. I remember how badly I wanted to fit in in high school with the cooler kids. I was very shy and rarely raised my hands in classroom, unless asked to. It’s how my parents raised me, do not speak until you are asked to. I might’ve been seen as reserved or withdrawn by others. I didn’t have a lot of friends in high school, but I remember one group of friends who I wanted to belong to. I used to like Avril Lavigne and there was a group of students who during recess always listened to cool songs. Little did I know that if I joined their group I would be labeled as a ‘punk kid’. I remember how one day I asked my mom to buy me typical punk pants with chains on the side of the pockets.

My mom was very surprised because she thought that I was going through a rebellious phase. It was unlike me, but after all she gave in and purchased those pants for me. The next day of course I walked into wearing almost all black. I was super self-aware of my ‘new cooler identity’ I felt proud of myself. I got the attention I was looking for not only from my ‘new’ friends but also from professors. But not the type of attention that I was looking for. I didn’t want to be noticed by everyone based on the new clothes that I had, I wanted to be noticed by my friends only. I remember how my professor called on me in class and wanted me to go run a quick errand but as soon as I got up from my chair I was told to sit down. I was confused and didn’t understand why. He confused me with another ‘punk’ girl that looked like me, who always got in trouble in school. I remember how mad I was at myself for wanting to be someone who I am not. The next day I went to being my old self, in my regular jeans and awkward sweaters.

The group of friends that I wanted to belong to, didn’t even notice that I ‘left’ their group. When I was reading This One Summer I noticed how Rose is on a search of her own identity. As she is growing up and becoming interested in boys (especially Dud) she ends up thinking about her future with him. She doesn’t understand who he really is other than she likes him. By going to the store to rent out horror movies, Rose thinks that it will make her seem cooler, but at the same time she is looking for Dud’s attention. She wants to seem mature, she ends up getting into his neighborhood where she learns about his relationship conflict with Jenny. Not knowing why the boys refer to Jenny as a slut, she takes in Dud’s side by supporting his hatred toward women. As she and Windy try to understand the boys odd behavior and treatment toward Jenny (who ends up becoming pregnant) we notice that Rose picks up on ‘labels’ from what she overhears from the conversation in front of the store. Without knowing a lot about Jenny, she refers to her as a ‘slut’.