The Ceremony Of The Big Fat Indian Wedding

The Big Fat Indian Wedding

You walk through the entrance of a big, lavish farmhouse you see grand tents pitched with vibrant colors, manicured gardens, bright-color coordinated flower arrangements, pretty diyas (little lamps) lighting every corner, roses centered on every table with soft, rhythmic shehnai (an instrument like oboe) playing in the background and sweet sugary syrup laden sweets kept in silverware. Indian weddings are by far the most majestic events. They are almost celebrated like a festival. They are an epitome of glam known for grandeur and a fun atmosphere. Generally, wedding celebrations only last for three to four days, while preparations begin five to six months in advance. Each function has its own significance and set of traditions that it follows. In India, a marriage is not only between the groom and bride but also between their families.

The roka ceremony, which occurs months before the wedding, is the official announcement of the wedding and the first celebration. It is usually a small informal event in the bride’s house with about 20-30 close family members. Families get together for the first time and exchange dry fruits and sweets. A prayer is recited in the presence of a priest and the elders bless the couple.After the roka, preparations for the wedding begin. Both families sit and decide the venues for the following functions. Often, families choose a big farmhouse or a hotel banquet to host their main functions. Many times, they jostle to hire the most expensive hotels for destination weddings in Indian cities Udaipur or Goa or even destinations in Thailand. Subsequently, they decide on the guest list which includes between five to seven hundred people. From deciding which cards to distribute, which photographer and food caterer to hire or which color scheme to choose during each event, to the theme of every tent they have to pitch, the number of tables and sofas and the decoration pieces they have to display, families considerable amount of time preparing for the grand day. Sometimes, they hire a wedding planner to manage everything.

Another important task is deciding the Indian wedding clothes. Bridal dresses are of many varieties and change according to the region, culture and preference of the bride. Traditionally, the bride chooses to wear a vibrant colored lehenga, usually red or pink. It is adorned and embroidered with gold or silver thread- work, broad lacy patterns on the border and semi-precious stones. A lehenga is a full ankle-length, pleated skirt usually made from silk, crepe and chiffon materials, worn along with a choli (a crop-top blouse) which has a lot of embroidered work as well.As the big day approaches, invitations along with mithai “sweets” are sent out to everyone. All the cousins and friends of the bride and the groom prepare speeches and choreograph dances using the latest Bollywood tunes for the bride and groom.

The groom’s side gifts small gold and diamond rings to the bride’s sisters as a souvenir. These rings signify that the groom is now like a brother to the sisters and will protect them always. The Bhajan commemorates the weddings celebrations. It’s a puja (a prayer meeting) with artists who sing devotional songs worshipping lord Ganesh or Goddess Durga. All elderly members sing along as the artists play sweet melodies with their sitars and harmoniums (Indian instruments like a lute and keyboard respectively). The pandit then takes a big bundle of flower petals, usually rose or marigold, and throws them at the bride. The Mehndi ceremony takes place the following day. The word Mehndi comes from the Sanskrit word ‘Mendhika’, which denotes a henna plant. It is a colorful event at noon, which is sometimes accompanied with throbbing dhol. (dhol is a huge Indian drum: when played, everyone dances to the beat of it).

During the ceremony, professional mehndi artists sit and design the hands of all women with henna. They make intricate designs which symbolize joy, good luck and fertility. The bride gets mehndi put on both her hands and feet which takes up to four hours. She also gets the letters of her fiancé written on her hand. He is expected to search all the letters. The Sangeet is then followed by the Mehndi at night. The ceremony is mostly the largest attended event with over 500 people. This is the biggest and the most happening event of the entire celebration. The bride and groom sit on a beautifully decorated stage. The guests click pictures with them and give shagun (generally a gift or money which is a sign of good luck). People dance to Bollywood tunes and sometimes performers are also hired to entertain the crowd. During this ceremony, the family members give a speech and perform a skit and dance. The sumptuous dinner followed by every ceremony is the most luring aspect of an elite Indian wedding.

The menu mostly includes gastronomical selections that include Indo-western fusion, Chinese, Lebanese, Italian, Japanese, North Indian and South Indian cuisines that reach the humble palate of their guests.The next morning, the haldi and chudha ceremony takes place. Haldi is a paste made form sunny yellow powdered root, turmeric, chickpea, flour and rose water. It is applied to the skin of the bride and the groom. It is used to lighten and cleanse the skin. This function takes place separately for the bride and the groom. It is a relatively small function with only the close family of the bride and groom. This is the most emotional ceremony for the bride whereas, the most celebrated one for the groom. The groom’s family rejoices this function as soon they would be welcoming a new member into their family.For the bride, it is a solemn procession during which a havan (puja/prayer) takes place.

The bride is asked to wear her most casual clothes. These are purified with milk and rose petal. All close relatives are made to touch the choodha as a mark of their blessing and then they put on the bride’s wrist by her maternal uncle. They are considered really auspicious and are worn by the bride for nine to twelve months. As the ceremony goes on, it becomes more emotional and heart rendering. Another important aspect of this ceremony is tying kalire’s to the bride’s bangles. All sisters and friends tie little umbrella-shaped gold hangings to her choodha. Similar to the tradition of catching a bride’s bouquet, the shakes her hand so that the kalire break and drop on her unmarried sisters and friends. It is believed that whoever has the most kalire will get married next.Soon after the haldi ceremony, preparation of the big day begins. The wedding begins with the Baarat.

The groom sits on a horse as his family and friends together arrives at the wedding entrance dancing to the dhol. Indian grooms typically wear a turban with a veil of flowers to protect them from evil spirits. The bride’s side waits for them and greets the groom with flower garlands, sweets and prayer. After the groom’s entry, the bride enters with her brothers and meets the groom at the wedding mandap (canopied wedding alter). Soon after the arrival of the bride, the Jai Mala takes place, the groom and the bride exchange elaborate looking floral garlands and put them around each other’s neck. In order to tease the bride, the groom’s friends keep him from getting the garland around his neck. They sometimes even raise the groom by holding him, making it harder for the bride.

My favorite part of the event is the Joota Chuppai. As soon as the groom takes off his shoes to enter the mandap, the bride’s siblings hide the shoes of groom. If by the end of the rituals, the groom’s siblings cannot find his shoes, the groom gives bride’s siblings gifts in return for the shoes. It doesn’t matter how big or small the gifts are, it is the way this playful scheme is carried out which makes it a lot of fun. The Pheras take place soon after the Jai Mala. The bride and groom walk around the sacred fire seven times conducted in Sanskrit. They make a pious promise to remain faithful to each other.