Life As a Shadow: Being a Younger Sibling

I do not remember a time where the shadow casted by my older brother wasn’t clinging onto me, like thick tar. From early years to present it has been impossible to escape this maze full of hurdles, challenges, and expectations. The pressure has been abundant and rather than forcing myself to strive above and beyond my brother’s achievements, I am instead in a pit of despair. Constantly doubting my own ability to achieve. Inside or outside of school. This has always been a dominant factor in my life, the looming scare of being looked down upon by my peers for not living up to the unreachable standards of my brother drove me to labour intensive work, but no matter what I desperately attempted, I always failed to overcome the accomplishments set-out by my sibling. "Life as a shadow" is the topic of my essay as I know how it feels to live in the shadow of an older sibling.

My life as a shadow

As my confidence and independent identity took a plummet, I was forced to realise by my own conscious that the futile attempt to become a clone of my brother was shockingly obsolete by never having the thought of asking myself “What is the point?” A question never answered due to my ineptness and naivety of dealing with the situation, refusing to accept my surroundings and preferring to chase my brother’s dreams, my brother’s goal, my brother’s ambitions. As the years went by, and I got older, the ever so constant bombardment of pressure, expectations, and fear had, sadly, only got worse. I was stuck in No Man’s Land, unclear of my future and direction in life. Was I to follow in the steps of my brother like a common soldier? Or take control and forge my own future?

From home to school and then home again, it was an endless cycle of my average day-to-day life, full to the brim with lectures of appraisal of my brother or the aggravating experience of my peers unknowingly talking down to me about the very distinct comparisons between my brother and I. The obvious worst part about being only known as the “younger sibling” was the paralysing fear that came with it. There was always something to be afraid to face, whether it was my future endeavours or even simple encounters with people who have heard about the many exploits of my sibling. It was always something.

Now the most dreaded topic to converse upon was assessments within school and the results that came with it. Even with the rare event of passing these tests it was never enough to appease the unruly and demeaning worshippers of my brother with their unfit demands and aforementioned expectations. Academic assessments are already extremely stressful to begin with and the added tension of surpassing my brother or at the very least being on the same level as him during these tests did not help in the results, usually causing me to lose out on marks due to crumbling under the pressure of the fearful consequences in failing to meet the standards set in stone by my sibling.

In conclusion, these conditions made me believe that my peers were purposely working against my own ambitions and own goals, isolating me from the rest of the class and deluding me to the point of thinking that I was getting different assignments altogether.

References

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