Challenges In Self Acceptance Of My Own Ethnicity

In 8th grade, a classmate came up to me and told me I was pretty “for an Asian”. She intended it as a compliment but didn’t realize its negative implications. It’s disheartening and baffling to see that society's beauty expectations of Asians are so low insofar as to believe I’m less. In 10th grade, my table was comparing eyelash lengths, and a guy asked me where my eyelashes were. He wasn’t aware that my monolid eyes covered my short, downward facing eyelashes, and that this was a major insecurity of mine.

Instead of embracing my differences, I distanced myself from my ethnicity. I laughed along with the stereotypes of me having high grades, no social life, and no eyes. At the time, I thought by laughing along, others would accept me; instead, it made me unable to accept myself.

Self acceptance is one of the most difficult, yet requisite challenges to human growth. Self acceptance is being aware of yourself; your capabilities and limitations; your best strengths and your worst weaknesses; your proudest moments and regret filled mistakes. Yet, with all this knowledge, self acceptance is remaining satisfied with yourself despite your flaws. Accepting yourself does not mean giving up or settling for worse. Accepting yourself is acknowledging and embracing where you are currently - not just the positive, but also the negative- and being optimistic for future improvement. To live in self acceptance is to realize that one is strong, to believe what others call confidence is an advantage, a gift that one espouses and welcomes, like the warm embrace of a loved one.

In today’s world, the obsession with social media and comparing yourself to others has caused self acceptance to be rare. The expectations of the youth are so high that even the slightest flaw pushes them into a state of melancholy and depression. How do you achieve self acceptance when you know there will always be someone prettier, smarter, taller and skinnier than you? How do you move past the stupid mistakes that made you hate yourself? How do you stop criticizing your weaknesses and embrace your flaws?

I strongly struggle with self acceptance because I am Asian American. There is an unspoken dictum of silence that tortures Asian youth, a denial of our place in American culture. Feelings of displacement emerge when we realize that we don’t fit in- we don’t have a common music or religion unifying us; we don’t share the same patriotism for this country because our ancestors didn’t unite against an oppressive government; we have no sense of home because our real families are 7052 miles away, and here, we’re surrounded by Americans who don’t understand us. The fact that I’m split between groups, living a double life like Hannah Montana, exacerbated this feeling of loneliness. On one hand, the tint of my skin and my small, almond-shaped eyes reveal my Asian heritage. But on the other hand, my accent, clothing style, morals, and leisure activities reveal my American upbringing. Asian people view me as “too white”; white people view me as “too Asian.”

Despite the challenges of clashing cultures, I can still find solace in balancing and learning to accept the spacious divide between the two. Because I am exposed to two different cultures, I am gifted the freedom of choice on what I want to follow. While my clothing style- oversized t-shirts, lululemon leggings, and velvet scrunchies- reflects my American side, I can still indulge in jiao zi and yue bing while celebrating traditional chinese festivals. I also have the ability to empathize with people of vastly different backgrounds. I understand how Americans prioritize direct happiness in the moment while Asian families prioritize long term happiness and are willing to make sacrifices in the moment to have better comfort in the future. I understand that some Asian girls live off of golf; they need it to survive because their family lives off of monthly sustenance checks, and they need it to receive a college scholarship to come to America to pursue their dreams and support their families.

Although I still struggle with self acceptance today, I’ve come to realize that other people’s views, especially stereotypes, do not define me. There is a common Chinese idiom: 塞翁失马，焉知非福; the closet English translation would be “a blessing in disguise.” My two different cultural upbringings- although a challenge- force me to learn to accept myself for who I am which is a blessing a disguise.