Virginity In Male And Female And Its Impact On Sex Love And Marriage

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The concept of virginity has always been a very crucial yet a taboo topic in the society. Since time unknown virginity (precisely that of women) is considered something to cherish and ‘cultivate’. Even though times have changed, and Virginity is no more seen as a very big topic, it still is a very important topic in the society. However, the question of virginity is always raised in front of a woman and men easily escape it in the name of ‘Machoism’. This Research Paper discusses virginity in the traditional and modern society.

Further it explores how Virginity acts as a social construct. It shows that the concept of virginity is only made for women (by the society) and how men are free from having to follow the concept. Lastly, the paper focuses on the changing views of the society and how there is a need for the people to drop the concept of virginity. The paper explores various aspects of virginity and its impact on sex, love and marriage.


The dictionary defines virginity as ‘a state of never having had sex’, contrary to how easily the dictionary defines virginity, virginity is a very sensitive, crucial and a taboo topic. The word virgin comes via Old French virgine from the root form of Latin Virgo, genitive virgins, meaning literally ‘maiden’ or ‘virgin’—a sexually intact young woman or ‘sexually inexperienced woman’. As in Latin, the English word is also often used with wider reference, by relaxing the age, gender or sexual criteria. In this case, more-mature women can be virgins (The Virgin Queen), men can be virgins, and potential initiates into many fields can be colloquially termed virgins; for example, a skydiving ‘virgin’.

In the latter usage, virgin means uninitiated. Since times unknown virginity is seen as something very important, especially in females. Virginity has always been a precondition when it comes to marriage or even getting basic respect. Virginity is directly related to a woman’s character, virginity lost is respect lost.

However, the concept of virginity is only for a woman whereas a man being a virgin, or a non-virgin has no significance. Here it is very important to note that religion (especially Islam and Christianity) places emphasis on both male as well as female virginity but in case of the human society only female virginity is focused on. However, times are changing, and people no longer think that virginity is important for a happy marriage/relationship and are realising that trust and love are far more important.

Myths About Virginity in Males and Females

Virginity can be only lost once

The myth is misleading in many ways. It gives us a feeling that since it has been lost, it will lead to slut shaming. Every experience could be a different and a new experience. There is a first time for a lot of things and similarly for penetrative vaginal intercourse.

Sex after marriage is considered to be healthy

It is not always true as in many cases the marriage is not even consensual which leads to forced sex and violence. Being a virgin till marriage is not considered being healthy nor does it guarantee a healthy sex life after marriage.

There is only one definition of sex

There’s are many confusions related to this as some people consider oral sex as losing virginity. For some people only consensual sex was considered sex because rape is a violence and not a sex act. People took some factors into consideration before counting the act as sex or not:

  • If the consent was taken
  • If there was any orgasm or ejaculation
  • Number of partners
  • Feelings of the people involved
  • Duration of the activity

The definition of sex is different for each and every one of us. Thus, we can’t have one exact definition for the same.

The hymen is the sole marker for losing virginity

This is a very wrong and impractical myth that the hymen is the sole marker for virginity. Every female has a different body and in some cases the hymen might not even be present. The logic is that while having sex, the hymen tears and bleeding takes place which indicates that the female is not more a virgin. Some girls lose their hymen due to intensive workouts and sports. The hymen is a very delicate part and could tear due to various reasons. Judging a female’s virginity from the loss of her hymen still exists.

Teenagers should not involve in sexual acts as it might put them into risk of unwanted pregnancy and STIs:

The belief is that pre-marital sex does psychological, physical and emotional harm to the couple involved and so teens are meant to control their hormones and not engage in these acts. According to some studies, release of oxytocin makes it difficult for the woman to have casual sex. The precautions available in the market are also not 100% reliable and sometimes the females end us getting pregnant which brings shame to the family.

The male partner can see and tell if the female is a virgin

Building trust and being honest with your partner helps in bringing a good bond between the couple. The fact that a male partner can see or tell whether her partner is a virgin or not is totally incorrect because even a gynaecologist can’t tell if a woman has had intercourse or not. It is very difficult to see and tell.

Using tampons affects virginity

Using tampons doesn’t even count if we consider losing virginity with first sexual experience. A tampon is a cup which is put in the uterus during menstruation. It is completely incorrect that a tampon affects the virginity of women as it does not even disturb the placement of the hymen when used.

Queer sex is not “counted” as losing virginity

The penetration – focused view of virginity ignores the heterosexual vaginal intercourse because of its association with reproduction. Recent researchers and panellists are trying to bring out alternatives as it’s Important for us to acknowledge this heteronormative penetration- focused view of virginity.

Traditional View of Virginity (View A)

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Virginity has been a taboo since traditional day. Female virginity has been given more importance than male virginity. It has been said that sexual powers are with male. In Islam women who are raped or active sexually are looked down upon, their families are blamed but unmarried men who lose their virginity are not, even though premarital sex is forbidden in Quran with regard to men and women both. In certain cultures, or countries men are encouraged to engage in sexual activities and be experienced. Male sexual ATI has been seen very differently than females though it should be equally looked for. It has been seen that if a female loses of virginity, she must undergo a surgery called hymenorrhaphy to repair her hymen where as one cannot even know if a male has lost his virginity or not.

Historically in some places in Africa virginity has historical significance. Female virginity is bargained. In Zimbabwe female virginity is called as humhandara and male virginity as hujaya. It is emphasized that girls remain virgin till marriage whereas same was emphasised on men. Unmarried young man had and have freedom to engage in sexual intercourse without any harsh repercussions. Male virginity was not even a concept boys virginity has not been valued since ages and this has resulted in sexual double standard male virginity dominates the society even today.

Traditional View of Virginity (View B)

According to Dworkin, in concept about virginity, we all live in the “male frame”, in which virginity is framed as synonymous with ignorance. This is an increasingly alarming issue when one considers that this “ignorance” is applied specifically to women, and the ignorance is perceived as being removed by men. For Dworkin as having fed into violent notions of heterosexual sex, in which women are depicted as “virgins, innocents, knowing nothing, untouched, unless blood has been spilled”. Therefore, we need to have alternative definition to be considered a satisfactory replacement for the traditional one. Though many feminists argue that no standardized medical definition of virginity exists, there is no scientifically verifiable proof of virginity loss, and sexual intercourse results in no change in personality.

In case with Lawrence he displays a view on the ‘purity’ state of virginity, taking it to an extreme in considering what the notion of ‘loss’ means for women. It not only restrains female sexuality, it also gives men the power to ‘take’ something of value, despite it being labelled as valuable by a male-dominated authority.

Considering from these two perspectives that the traditional conception of virginity involves ‘double-bind’ in its policing of female sexuality. Virginity use to be and still referred as something to be foreshadow, and that to lose it is “an loss of innocence”, it at the same time labels virgins as “ignorant” innocents, requiring sexual relations with a man to move from this state. Furthermore, this concern, though not in proportion is harmful to women, affecting the realm of male sexuality, in that it demanded upon male dominance of sexuality has led to men who are considered virgins being forced to consider this as an act of embarrassment. Hence, highlighting increase in the idea that only men should dominate sexual relations.

It has always been superiority or say domination of men when it comes to sexual acts and regarding the virginity its always considered as a loss for women not for men. Historically, and in modern times, female virginity has been regarded as more significant than male virginity, the perception that sexual prowess is fundamental to masculinity has lowered the expectation of male virginity without lowering the social status.

For example, in some cultures, unmarried women who have been sexually active or raped may be subject to name-calling or family shame, while unmarried men who have lost their virginities are not, though premarital sex is forbidden with regard to both men and women Among various countries or cultures, males are expected or encouraged to want to engage in sexual activity, and to be more sexually experienced. In fact, if they don’t perform these standards they are often teased and other such ridicule from their male peers.

Male sexuality is seen as something that is innate and competitive and displays a different set of cultural values and stigmas from female sexuality and virginity. Within American culture in particular, male virginity has been made an object of embarrassment and ridicule if we see suppose in American Pie, with the male virgin typically being presented as socially inept. Such attitudes have resulted in some men keeping their status as a virgin a secret. Also, these traditional values related to virginity reflect both sexual jealousy and ideals of romantic love and appear to be deeply embedded in human nature.

While these points are extreme examples, the new definition might still be used as a means of pressurising those closer to the ‘complete virgin’ end of the spectrum through societal value judgements that people who are like this are ‘boring’ ‘not so seductive’ or ‘prudes’. This concern might also apply in the inverse, in which those who have been involved in a wide range of sexual acts are characterised negatively as a result in the manner that slut-shaming still occurs.

The concept of virginity seems quite functional for both the sexes in a society where women have little economic power as compare to men as they accept this ideology of virginity because of cultural transmission. The married male might be viewed as sexually wealthy and his status is consequently enhanced.

If we see, it appears to be far less realistic to hope for the eradication of the notion of virginity altogether, than to call for this alternative definition, which, as explained earlier, is far from counter-intuitive.

Modern Day Influencer’s View

He is one of the most influential people for the youth of today’s generation and marks his significance with plentiful of motivational speeches providing lifetime wisdom to people all around the world by discussing with them contemporary life issues and providing contemporary solutions. His style of speech with simplicity and humour is what makes in stand out in today’s times.

Before entering the field of motivational speaking, he was a struggling model and had a life equally difficult and stressful like the other modern-day individuals. His unshakable faith in Divine power makes him special and his compassion gives him the purest quality of sharing the divine knowledge with others who need guidance in the current worldly environment.

He gives us some immensely satisfying explanations regarding the concept of virginity before marriage and its understanding in the modern world. He also discussed the root problems regarding this topic in an open discussion with the youth and parents.

While talking about sex and virginity, Sandeep Maheshwari himself believes and asks all of us to accept the fact that we are all humans and not robots. Having sexual urges is very natural. We cannot be spoon fed regarding these things and they are a part of the basic human nature. The faster we accept this, the better for us all. This clearly shows the kind of understanding and acceptance being promoted in the contemporary times regarding sexual life as opposed to previous times.

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