The Enormous Importance of Self-Support

The simplest things are often underestimated by the mind, as it doesn’t believe they’re worthwhile or they could work at all. One of the issues I usually notice while working with people is that in the moments when things are going badly, when something’s not right—no matter where the fault lies—these are the moments when real support and love are the most needed, when your own support and love are the most needed. Unfortunately, these are usually the moments when we give ourselves the least support and love! When a good friend or a close family member comes to us with a problem we might as well have ourselves, we always find at least a few moments to hug that person, tell them how much we love them, how they can count on us and that they will surely overcome their problems. Interestingly, when the same happens to us, for some reason we get an amnesia attack. For some reason, we wring our hands and tell ourselves that we don’t know what to do. These are the moments when we don’t know how to support ourselves, how to express affection, how to tell ourselves an encouraging word. Instead of love, support, acceptance and warmth we give ourselves negation, lots of bad emotions and negativity—exactly when we need to feel our own support the most!

You are the only one who can truly help yourself. You are the one you are waiting for. Even if you receive help or advice from the outside, if the things you hear or read resonate with you, still you are the only person in the world who can apply all that wisdom to your life. You are the one who can take the light, keep it lit and carry it through your life, so it becomes your everyday habit! In all these moments when things are falling apart, when things don’t go your way—don’t turn your back on yourself! Next time something bad happens, do something new, something you are not used to doing—give yourself understanding, give yourself forgiveness, give yourself relief, and just give yourself love. So often the things we do to ourselves in difficult situations are things we wouldn’t do to our worst enemy! The things we tell ourselves, the way we treat ourselves when we start losing control—these are often things we would never say aloud even to people we hate. So how can you feel good in difficult moments, when the most important person in your life, the person that can help you the most, slaps you down, admonishes and kicks you from all sides?

How different would be your day if you woke up half an hour earlier just to spend it with yourself? People say, “I don’t have time!” You have time. If you have time to scroll down Facebook, write text messages or watch TV for hours, then you certainly have 20 minutes for yourself. How different would be your day if you woke up early in the morning and gave your body a glass of water with freshly squeezed lemon juice? How different would your day be if you, when shaving or doing your make-up, looked at yourself with admiration, just as if looking at yourself for the very first time in your life? How different would your day be if you, while doing this, sang your favorite song and danced like nobody’s watching? If you took a walk in the morning, stopped for a while, looked at the sky, listened to the birds and the wind in the trees? Find five things you are grateful for every single day, things you already have in your life! It will alter your perception, and let you see all the things you already have, instead of looking at your life as something broken to repair. Always be looking for new miracles to discover. Your mind will have a problem with that, but remember that there are always hundreds of things to be grateful for! Hundreds of things you take for granted and don’t even notice. Train your mind to focus on these things—it’s a skill just like everything else.

I recently heard a blurb on the radio that said, “Grateful people are more satisfied in life and report being generally happier than less-grateful people.” It gave me an idea, and one that has actually truly contributed towards my daily outlook on life: I began my own personal “thankfulness jar.” I cut lined 3x5 index cards in half, and every day I would date them and write something I was grateful for THAT DAY. A rule I gave myself was that it could not be too generic, such as “I am grateful for my health,” or “I am grateful for the pretty sky.” I had to find a specific thing from that exact day to be grateful for so I could put the card in my jar. And do you know what? I began to see things as moments to be grateful for, whereas prior to that those moments simply felt like the everyday interactions of life. For example, I remember shopping at one of those buy-in-bulk warehouses near the end of the day; it was a crowded and busy day since a holiday was coming up shortly. I bought several smaller items and at checkout, the nice lady asked me, “Would you like a box for your things?” and I simply, pleasantly, and normally replied, “Yes, please.” She got a slightly surprised look on her face, which I did not really understand, then a moment later she said to the cashier and to me, “Do you know what? I’ve been working an eight-hour shift all day, and I do believe that yours is the first ‘yes, please’ I have received all day!” I was aghast—this poor, kind, hardworking girl was pleasantly serving people by doing her job at the very end of the retail day in a very busy shopping season, and yet somehow I was the first person to give her a simple “yes, please”? I made sure to re-affirm my appreciation for the compliment and to thank the staff again, and then I went on my way home. But I will tell you what—I had a wonderful encounter to write down for my thankfulness jar that day!

Seek out moments to be grateful for, and they will come to you. This consistency of actions will be a force within your life that begins to build bridges in places you did not even know existed. Life’s an ocean, sometimes calm and sometimes stormy, and maybe your boss is a jerk and you would like to punch him right in the face, but your perception of all these things will be totally different if you build a healthy relationship with yourself—if only you start your day with meeting yourself and do everything to become your own best friend; if only you start going everywhere with the person who loves you, accepts you and always supports you. Because you are the person you spend every single moment with, you are the person you dance your entire life with! I once purchased a simple little candle that had an affirmation written on it; the author of the affirmation is not known. However, during times of trial, this has personally helped every single person I have shared it with, and so I will also gift it to you, wishing you peace if you ever need to use it for yourself: “This burden on my heart is too heavy to hold. I allow my spirit to grieve the loss of this dream. I allow my tears to cleanse me, freeing me from these crippling emotions. I release my expectations of the future and embrace the gifts this challenge has given me.” I think it’s powerful. Take it away with you.