My Experience of the First Snow: Excitement and Joy

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My Experience of the First Snow: Excitement and Joy essay
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I awaken, very excited and ready to see snow for the first time in my life. I was informed at work yesterday that Atlanta was expecting to see four inches of snow. The house is extremely quiet because everyone was sleep. As I get out of my bed and look out the window, I could see the world covered in a sea of white snow. I begin to rush and get dressed, with excitement filling my whole body. Down the stairs I go as I ran to the front door. Today, I will walk through my snow-covered yard, a Florida boy’s dream. I stop at the front door and watch in astonishment as the snow falls slowly. The cold, white flakes descends peacefully down from the sky, covering the whole block in white. I began to push the door open, and I carefully watch my step onto so I do not slip. I now see my whole front yard, a wintry paradise covered in snow. I see the car covered in a thick layer of snow, the front front yard is as white and fluffy as a pillow.

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I walk down the steps and to the sidewalk, as I hear the crunch of the snow under my feet as if I were stepping on crumbs in the kitchen. I see the white substance covering the branches of the trees. As I walk down the driveway, I see the mailbox resting under a thick layer of snow. I step to the freezing, snow covered care to scrape some snow off of the car window, looking inside. The white chunks freezes my hand, so I put my hand inside my pocket to warm it. The snow still falls constantly.

I begin walking around the neighborhood to see the rest of the wonderland. I stop and scoop some snow from the ground into my hand. After shaping the snow into a ball, I throw it straight ahead about ten feet, my first snow ball. I walk past the neighborhood pool and see that the water has frozen. The snow still falls consistently, making the ground around even more fluffy. I can feel myself being decorated with tiny pieces of ice. But still, I continue through the sea of white.

The city seems like it stood still. The quietness is almost ominous. As I walk outside of my neighborhood I brush against a shrub, and the snow falls to the ground like powdered sugar on a funnel cake, revealing the green leaves underneath. It kind of made me want a funnel cake. I begin walking down the road to the park. The only sounds I hear are my breath and the snow crunching under my feet, as well as the birds above me. I see the basketball courts beyond the next playground. The normally green cemented court is now covered in white, blending with the lines painted on it.

I walk through the rest of the park to the walking trail. I noticing the snow-covered forest-like environment. The trail leads me around a curve to the now white covered construction, no more Georgia red clay. As I continue to walk the trail, down the hill, completing a small loop leading back into the playground. I leave the park to walk home. On my way there, I have yet to see a car drive down the street. I walk down to the front of the neighborhood, as I see the name of it covered in white sheets. I walk through the entrance of my own winter land as if it were the north pole. I walk a little faster because I am starting to get really cold. Feeling colder now, I decide to go back inside and eat breakfast. I see my house and the car a few hundred feet away, covered in white like a gingerbread house with frosting. As I approached the driveway, I see that the car window is covered with another thin layer of snow. It was as if I never wiped it off. I run get to the door of the house, stomping the snow off of my feet. Before I enter the door, I turn to look at the snowy wonderland, I'll return soon.

This essay is graded:
minus plus
Expert Review
This essay vividly captures the writer's experience of encountering snow for the first time. The excitement and awe are palpable in the description of the snow-covered environment. The essay effectively conveys the sensory experiences – the crunch of snow underfoot, the cold on skin, and the visual transformation of the surroundings. The writer's enthusiasm is evident in the narration, immersing the reader in the snowy landscape. However, the essay lacks a clear structure and could benefit from stronger organization to guide the reader through the writer's journey. Additionally, while the descriptive elements are strong, the essay could delve deeper into the writer's emotional responses to this unique experience.
minus plus
What can be improved
Structural Cohesion: Organize the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs detailing the experience, and a concluding reflection to provide a well-structured narrative. Emotional Exploration: Go beyond sensory descriptions and explore the writer's emotional reactions and thoughts as they encounter snow for the first time. Transitional Phrases: Incorporate transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one experience or location to the next, enhancing the essay's flow. Reflection and Closure: Develop a thoughtful conclusion that reflects on the significance of the experience and its impact on the writer, providing a satisfying closure to the narrative.
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My Experience of the First Snow: Excitement and Joy essay

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